Good parents are those who are proactive towards their children and not react. At the same time it is also important to see things from the perspective of the child, writes Dr Kapil Kakar
Parents tend to rear their children the way they were reared by their parents to a large extent. This results in both, desirable as well as undesirable rearing styles. Studies show positive experiences foster stronger connection between neurons enhancing the child’s learning abilities. Also, it makes the child desire emotional independence and parents aspire emotional control.
You the stimulus: As a Parent you need to be the stimulus and not the response. Usually parents respond and react to way the children behave, oblivious of the fact that they create the environment whether positive or negative for their children to act or react. And if the stimulus from parents is of possessiveness, directing and control then the probability of child being insecure, negative and withdrawn is more. Regulate moods: You may not be aware that your behavior with your child may be controlled by your moods. Say, if you are in a good mood, you may want to talk to your child, not realizing whether your child wants the same or not.
Let your child decide: Letting your child decide when s/he would want to speak to you rather than coaxing just because you wish to hear them. You ought to be there, for your child, not when you think you need to be there but when your child wants you the most. Be prepared to sacrifice other things because nothing is more important than your child. Encouraging your child to participate and take decisions not only increases his confidence but also helps him to be a good decision.
‘What theory’: Parents start by directing children in childhood about what to do and what not to do and what is ‘right and what is wrong’. However, as the child grows and matures, s/he develops the cognitive functions and looks for logical explanations. This increases the abstract thinking of the child as s/he wants to know ‘what can happen if the suggestion is not followed’. As a parent you need to come out from your habit and need to think from child’s point.